Never Alone
by ireneotaku
Summary: Karkat reflects on all the things that have happened because of Sgrub. Through all his ups and down at least he has his moirail…right? Pale!GamKar


Disclaimer: I do not in any way, shape, or form own Homestuck. All property belongs to its respective owners.

Summary: Karkat reflects on all the things that have happened because of Sgrub. Through all his ups and down at least he has his moirail…right?

A/N: I am absolutely enamored with Pale!GamKar. I read Homestuck in about a month, and am up to date with it. I am absolutely intrigued by what a moiraillegiance entails, and I wrote this to find out. Though as the story continued more of me leaked into the story. In the future I will try writing in third person to stop that from happening. This is my first Homestuck story, and any advice would be very much appreciated.

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The meteor was an eerie place to be. When we first arrived here it was a lively place. You could see everyone being happy, and people stirring up drama to try to fill up their quadrants. It was highly annoying, and I couldn't tell people to fuck off enough. After the game ended it was a pleasant reprieve from all the chaos. It was fun…

That is until people started to die.

Eridan had to flip out and kill Feferi. Poor, poor, sweet Feferi all she wanted was to have a matespritship without her ex-moirail butting into things, Stupid Eridan freaking out because of his stupid quadrants, fuck him and his stupid overdramatic sea-dweller ass.

Then it was Tavros. How Tavros wasn't culled before the game even started is what some people would call a, "MoThErFuCkInG MiRaClE." Vriska finally decided that he couldn't fill a quadrant with her. I never even understood why she even bothered why she even bothered with him in the first place. I heard it was some ancestor bullshit or something.

At this point Zahhak decided to use his strength to try to protect Nepeta. Too bad the killer was higher on the hemospectrum. Of course when Equius' strength could have been used his stupid highblood superiority fetish activated. Of all the people who died he was probably the only one who enjoyed his death. He was commanded by the highblood, and died for his insolence. Why the fuck am I surrounded by fucking idiots?

Nepeta had it even worse than Feferi. She witnessed her, "meowrail" be killed, and he was completely unable to help him. If she wasn't so flushed for me Equius and her may have had a, "purrfect" matespritship. When she tried to avenge her fallen meowrail she was killed by Gamzee without him having an ounce of regret. At least she and Equius can be reunited in a dream bubble and continue their pale love for eternity

Miss Bitch Serket had it fucking coming to her. She should have known that Terezi would stab her. You can't be a legislacerator and have mercy towards your archrival. It's such a fucking shame that she killed Vriska. They could have had a kismesissitude that would be so much better than the one Terezi was currently in. I couldn't even break the news to John-human. As much as I hate to admit it John and Vriska were so fucking flushed for each other. There's hardly any pain that can be compared to losing someone who you had flushed feelings for.

Oh I almost fucking forgot to say a word about Eridan Ampora. He got what was fucking coming to him. He killed his ex-moirail, blinded Sollux, and turned Kanaya into a rainbow drinker. Kanaya did not take being killed that well. One clean cut later, and that was the end of Ampora. I'm surprised that Kanay didn't cut Gamzee in half either, Feferi would have just smiled, shrugged, and said, "O)( w)(ale we'll sea eac)( o)(ther soon enough)(" Eridan was to overdramatic for his own good.

Captor was the last person to die. He used the rest of his life to get us to the Green Sun. He was to heartbroken to keep living out her. He lost a matesprit, a moirail, and a possible kismesis. He had no particular hope for anything )he was the fucking Mage of Doom after all.) Dying let him join the ones he could love. Stupid emotions and sentimentality. Perhaps I have been talking to the humans a little too much.

There aren't many people left on this meteor anymore. We have Dave fucking Strider, Rose Lalonde, Kanaya Maryam, Terezi Pyrope, Gamzee Makara, and me. Not exactly a party by any means, but at least there's less drama on this three year journey. Less shit hits the whirling device. I'm pulled out of my recounting by the _swoosh_ of the sliding door that leads into my respiteblock. I look up to see who the intruder could possibly be. It's nothing to be alarmed about as it's just Kanaya. I lean back into my sweater pile. In my musing I didn't feel like sleeping in my recuperacoon and seeing all my dead friends again. After all they had died because if my shitty leadership. Kanaya decides to speak which pulls me from my thoughts.

"Karkat Is There Any Reason Why You Are Trying To Rest On The Floor? Is Something The Matter With The Alchemized Sopor Slime?"

"NO KANAYA THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THE SLIME. MAYBE I DON'T WANT TO GO TO SLEEP AND SEE AL MY DEAD BEST FRIENDS. MAYBE I'M JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW SHITTY I'VE BEEN SINCE THE GAME STARTED. MAYBE I JUST DON'T WANT TO BE SURROUNDED BY PEOPLE IN THE MIDDLE OF THEIR FLUSHED LOVE! WHY DID YOU ACTUALLY COME HERE? I KNOW IT SURE AS HELL WASN'T TO ASK ABOUT THE QUALITY OF SOPOR SLIME." Kanaya hesitates because if she should just get to her point or if she should try to make me feel better. The cogs in her head are trying to decide if it would infringe on my moiraillegiance with Gamzee to confront me, or if she is needed to be a facilitator.

"I Have Come Here To Request A Drink From Your Veins. Rose Has Not Recovered From The Last Blood Taking. It Seems That Humans Are Not As Resilient As Trolls."

"IF I SAY YES WILL YOU LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE?" She nods quickly. It seems like being a rainbow drinker is a huge pain, but I suppose it's better than being dead. I roll my right sleeve, and extend my arm towards Kanaya. In the past when Kanaya has asked for blood I offered my neck. She declined, and responded, "Neck Biting Can Cause Urges Meant Only For The Red Or Black Quadrants. Your Arm Would Be Quite Sufficient." She grabs my arm without hesitation. After finding the vein she sucks from it greedily. She pays no heed to if she is being rough or not relishing the taste of blood. My mutant red blood is the flavor that is the closest to that of the humans. While Kanaya drinks I gaze lazily at the ceiling. I'm still lying in the sweater pile, and Kanaya is sitting in it while drinking from my arm.

"YO KANAYA ARE YOU DONE YET? I'M GETTING VERY BORED VERY QUICKLY." She bites down even harder to try to increase the amount of blood flow into her mouth. I sigh bored with this scenario. I hear the _swoosh _of my door, and the footfalls of an approaching human. She nods at me and smiles a little smile almost as a silent thank you.

"Kanaya, dear haven't you had enough of Mr. Vantas?" Rose kneels next to Kanaya, and wraps her arms around Kanaya's waist before resting her head on Kanaya's shoulder. Kanaya's grip on my arm loosens, and I feel her fangs leave my arm. She licks the two red drops off of my arm. Jade tears are streaming down her cheeks.

"Karkat…Are You Okay?"

"KANAYA I'M NOT A WEAKLING. I'M FINE. NOW LEAVE THE KNIGHT OF BLOOD ALONE, AND GO SPEND TIME WITH YOUR MATESPRIT." She smiles weakly at me. Rose leads her out of my respiteblock, and I am left alone with my thoughts. Little happens for me to lead anymore. The seers, Rose and Terezi, make sure that shit doesn't hit the whirling device. In the halls is the occasional honk that tells people that Gamzee is out of hiding. Kanaya wouldn't dare touch him. Once we found out that Terezi was his kismesis she stopped trying to cull him. The wrath of a moirail is tolerable, but the wrath of a kismesis is fucking scary. It's like the worst horrorterrors places into the wrath of one troll.

There was drama when Terezi and Gamzee came out about it, and it hasn't been fully resolved. Dave and Terezi are coming to terms with the change in their matespritship. Dave spends much of his time avoiding Terezi by spending time with Rose and Kanaya. As for Gamzee and me I've been avoiding him also. This means that I spend a lot of my time in my respiteblock. Perhaps it was difficult to accept that I could not fill any quadrants with Terezi. Or maybe it was just another sign from the universe that I was just a worthless piece of shit.

Honk….Honk…Honk.. !

It seems that Gamzee is impatient today, and he is hoping that today will be the day that I come out of my respiteblock to reconcile with him. Well, he's sadly mistaken if that's what he thinks will happen. There's another honk directly outside the door to my respiteblock.

_Swoosh_

_Shuffle, shuffle_

I don't really bother to rise from my sweater pile to see who it is. I know that Gamzee is standing at the base of the pile. I have no intentions of speaking first. I missed my moirail, but he still cut me deep. When he and Terezi told everyone, I felt betrayed by all the people who cared for me.

"BrO ArE YoU FrEe tO LiStEn tO A MoThErFuCkEr rIgHt nOw?" His tone is sad and pleading for me to listen. I ignore hum, and continue to stare lazily at the ceiling.

"LoOk I kNoW ThAt yOu'rE MaD At mE AbOuT TeReZi, BuT I CaN I MoThErFuCkInG ExPlAiN WhAt iS HaPpEnInG?" A pause. Gamzee is hoping that I will answer him before he continues to speak. I expect him to say something. An awkward moment passes, then another. It's just plain weird for Gamzee to not say anything at all.

"GAMZEE WHAT IS THERE TO EXPLAIN TO ME? THAT I'M A WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT, AND THAT NO ONE WOULD FILL A BUCKET WIH ME? DID YOU MEAN TO TELL ME THAT IT JUST KIND OF HAPPENED, OR MAYBE TO SAY IT WAS BEFORE WE WERE MOIRAILS? WHATEVER YOU SAY WOULDN'T CHANGE THE FACT THAT SHE ALWAYS FUCKING PICKS SOMEONE OVER ME. FUCK! I MEAN SHE HAS A HUMAN FOR A MATESPRIT. GOG DAMN IT. HOW WORTHLESS AM I THAT I CAN'T MEAN SEOMTHING TO ANYONE AS A PROSPECT TO BE FLUSHED OVER? ONLY NEPETA WHO WAS TIED TO ME BECAUSE OF OUR ANCESTORS AND AMPORA WHO TRIED TO FILL A QUADRANT WITH ANYTHING THAT MOVED. THEY ARE THE ONLY PEOPLE WHO HAVE HAD A RED CRUSH ON ME.

EXPLANATIONS ARE ALL I'VE FUCKING HEARD SINCE THIS GAME STARTED…..I'M FUCKING SICK AND TIRED OF IT GAMZEE…." My tone switches from anger to one of resignation, "I'M TIRED…I WATCHED OUR FRIENDS DIE..I'M TIRED OF BEING THE FEARLESS LEADER. I'M FUCKING SICK AND TIRED OF HEARING EVERYONE'S STUPID EXPLANATIONS." I curl into my sweater pile not looking at Gamzee as I wrap myself into a ball. The words of anger and resignation came from my mouth like acid. I'm probably the worst moirail ever throwing that all at Gamzee. I realize that I don't even care about Terezi anymore. I mean sure I felt betrayed, but I've moved on. I wait for Gamzee's reply as I sob quietly. Any moment I suspect the door to slide open, and for me to go back to being a quadrantless piece of shit. My red tears stream down my checks before dripping into the endless abyss of the sweater pile. The room stays still for an endless moment. The only movement in the room is my body shaking as I cry.

I feel an arm drape itself over my curled form. I stay still for a moment unsure if this is actually happening.

"you know what i see when i look at you karbro? i see a troll who just wanted to not live in fear. everyday before the game started you lived in fear of being culled for your miraculous blood color. you hid it and never ventured outside lest someone discover what you were, but even deeper than this you feared being alone more than anything else. when you couldn't fill a quadrant you withdrew into a pit of self-loathing. more than anything you couldn't stand being the only person on alternia with your mutation.

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT KARBRO I NEVER MOTHERFUCKING CARED ABOUT YOUR MUTATION." There's a pause in Gamzee's words, and I begin to uncurl myself from my ball. Gamzee takes this as an opportunity to wrap an arm against my waist, and to pull me closer to him. The coolness of his chest against my back helps me to further relax in the arms of my moirail. I close my eyes, and turn myself so that Gamzee and I are flush against each other. Gamzee uses his free arm to wipe the tears that are streaming down my face, and the goes back to holding me against his chest.

"YOU RIGHT HERE IN MY ARMS ARE A MIRACLE FROM THE MOTHERFUCKING MIRTHFUL MESSIAHS THEMSELVES."

"Gamzee…"

"shoosh brother no words right now. we use words to much. only motherfucking feelings right now." Being with Gamzee feels so perfect. It's like the only time in my life that I feel safe, loved, unafraid, and not lonely. Right now all I have to be is the current Karkat Vantas. I don't have to worry about the past or the future. I don't have to worry about who died, or who will die. Inside I know that nothing I have to face matter because Gamzee will be with me.

"GAMZEE"

"yes karbro"

"YOU WON'T BE ALONE EITHER. IT YOU DON'T MIND HAVING ME AS BE YOUR SHITYY MOIRAIL." He smiles at the comment.

"karkat you are the best motherfucking miracle that a bro could ever have"

With this statement we sink into the sweater pile content to spend the rest of the day just being with each other, and comforting each other as we move on from the past and look forward to a better future.

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A/N: This is my first Homestuck fic sorry that people may have been OOC. Thank you for reading this story. I hope that you were able to enjoy it. Any words of advice or feedback is greatly appreciated. Thank you again for reading, and have a good day.


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